Come What May and Love It

A few weeks ago, I had a little mini breakdown. I was observing a kindergarten classroom and it hit me. In a year, I am going to be a teacher. In a year, that will be me in front of those children. Granted I will probably not be teaching kindergarten, but I was still just struck by fear. Can I do this? Is this really what I want to do? I had a good friend just talk with me about my life goals and decisions. He mentored me in a way that I really needed. I am grateful I work at a place with so many mentors right on hand to help out in times like this. Anyway- so these questions have been on my mind recently: What am I meant to do? Where am I meant to be? Who am I meant to be? I have been unsure about a lot of things in my life recently and that drives me crazy. I am slightly a control freak who likes to have a nice neat plan laid out. It scares me that I don't know where I am going to be in a year. At the General Relief Society Meeting yesterday, President Monson reminde...

Yesterday, we went hospital singing like we do every Sunday. There was one patient that we sang to that I haven't seen in a while. His name is Rob. He can barely speak. He wanted to request a song for us to sing. It took us several minutes of guessing to finally get what he was talking about. As we left, I heard everyone else talking about how hard it would be to live like that and how grateful they are that they can speak. I can see where they are coming from, but I left grateful I can hear. I have a hearing disability. Maybe sometime I will share the story on here, but if you really want to know you can talk to me about it. For now, I will say that in Junior High I found out that I had a hearing loss. Some days are better than others. Some days I just smile and pretend that I actually heard what someone said to me. Some days are hard and I can barely hear. This week has been pretty hard. Going to the hospital, seeing Rob, that made it all too real. I felt so disoriented no...

At work, we have been stressing these four messages to get the most out of your BYU education: Find new ways to learn. Find ways to expand beyond yourself. Find your place. Find joy in the journey. I think that these are wonderful messages for everyone to take into their lives (not just BYU Freshmen). I have been reflecting on my own ability to do these things this semester. I may come back and address the other three, but for today I just want to address one aspect of number 3- Finding your place. The whole time while writing, I had this song stuck in my head: This has always been a struggle for me. In high school, I had good friends, but I never felt like I truly belonged anywhere. I felt like I was just kind of that person who would tag along to all of these things, but did not really belong there. I am able to look back and see this more and more. When I came Freshman year, I found some good friends. I thought I had found the place where I belonged. Sophomore year...

This has been something that I have been studying out for a while now. For those who have not heard the EFY Medley (or want to listen to it again because it is amazing) you might want to listen to this first: (Side note: I got to sing a new version this in a fireside that was conducted by Sister Janice Kapp Perry- the woman who wrote both the songs sung in this medley. Needless to say, I was crying the entire time.) All of my life I have been told (along with all the other youth) that I was saved for these latter days. We sing about it. We hear talks about it. We have Sunday School lessons about it. This Sunday, Elder Russell M. Nelson gave a wonderful CES Devotional about this idea. It sparked some questions in my mind... Why was I saved for these days? What do I have to offer? How can I make a difference? I would like to tell you about an experience that happened almost a year ago... The week before General Conference in October, I started thinking about a mis...

"The Lord requires his people to be honest. May we desire with all our hearts to be honest in all our relationships and in all the things that we do. God will help us if we seek the strength that comes from him. Sweet then will be our peace of mind and our lives. Blessed will be those with whom we live and associate. And God will bless and guide us with his loving care ." -Gordon B. Hinckley Honestly, honesty has been on my mind a lot recently. I have been thinking about when it is good to be honest and when it is not. I have not kept it a secret on this blog how much I have changed in the last few years. Lately, I have been trying to be more honest. I have not been 'dishonest'. I have not lied to people. I just have not been willing to open myself up and be completely honest. At work, we have talked a lot about vulnerability and embarrassing the awkward. I think that this is an important part of being honest. It is not easy to tell the truth. Are...