Come What May and Love It

*NOTE: I apologize for this post. I have been feeling really sentimental and this post just came out of all that. It is so interesting how your whole life can be altered by one decision. I was talking to some good friends. We were randomly just talking about how I became friends with his whole apartment in August. I had not really thought about when we became friends because I thought it was a completely different moment. Then he told me about when he felt that we had first interacted on a non-superficial level and how it really changed everything else. Let me rewind...It was the day before school started in August. I went over to a family dinner. I got stung by a wasp for the first time in my life (it was a very traumatic experience).  Then I texted the boy I liked at the time and asked if he wanted to watch a movie that night. He ended up being busy, and I ended up going home from the family get-together kind of sad. I had promised myself that I would get out...

To those of you who heard my testimony today, I apologize that I am repeating myself. This is an experience I just needed to write down for myself. Let's rewind to Monday night. I hadn't been feeling all that great. I had only gotten 3 hours of sleep the night before. I just was ready to go to bed. I told myself that I would come home from FHE and go to sleep. I was in my pajamas by 8:30- crazy for a college student, right? One of my friends dropped in for a visit. After she left, I had one of those moments where I just felt completely alone. I went to my room and prayed when a few simple words came to my mind. "Heavenly Father, Are you really there? And do you hear and answer every child's prayer?" These two lines from the children's primary song were stuck in my mind. In the moment, it is easy to doubt that Heavenly Father answers our prayers. How can He really hear every single prayer around the world? How can He answer every single one? It just ...

I have been very open about my past depression. I have told people about my struggles, but I always make sure that I talk in the past tense. I need to be honest. It is not just in the past. Did I go through hard things back in High School? Yes. Have things gotten easier? No. Some days are harder than others. And I have had my share of bad days in the last year. In fact, last semester was probably the worst I have been in a long time. Anyway- a few nights ago got really bad really fast. I was feeling alone and in the dark. I sat in my car and just cried because of the rush of emotion and dark thoughts filling my head.  I decided to look up a talk by one of my amazing professors, Brad Wilcox. In this address, he talks about grace. I really love the talk and would encourage you all to read it . One thing he said was "So grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted. Rather, it is our constant energy source. It is not the light at...

Yesterday, I took a group to go Hospital singing. We were having a rough time on the second floor. We were being told 'no' or 'not today' by every person. I was feeling sick to my stomach. Here I had gotten 15 people to give up their precious time on a Sunday afternoon and we weren't even able to do what we came to do! We got to sing to one person on the second floor. Then, I felt like we needed to go to the third floor. Realize that I have been going hospital singing for eight months now almost every Sunday. I had never been to the third floor before. But yesterday, we needed to go there. My goodness. It is indescribable the events that went down on that third floor. I am going to try to write them down for my own sake, but I will not do them justice. First we visited Lynn. He was an old man sitting in a dark room. I don't even remember what songs we sang, but afterward we just started talking to him. He had such a strong testimony. One person asked ...

Rewind to December 3, 2013. I was sitting in the JSB watching the Tuesday Devotional. This was the first devotional that I got to attend since before practicum. Can I just say that it was that it was perfect timing for me? The person speaking was Brother Gerald Causse, the first counselor in the Presiding Bishopric. His devotional address was entitled "For When I Am Weak, Then Am I Strong." One thing he said really stood out to me. He said "One reason we may not want to acknowledge our personal limitations is that weakness is perceived by society as a fault or a failure." In a little post-it note on my computer desktop, I put "weakness is perceived by society as a fault." It has been there for the past month just reminding me of this wonderful talk. Fast forward to yesterday. I was sitting at work when one of by good friends came in. I went over to say hi to him and he asked me for some words of wisdom. This caught me off guard. I told him that I was...

So guess what! It is that time of year again. The time where everyone makes resolutions and then keeps them for a month. I have actually never made real resolutions before. So I decided to start a list on Sunday and I kind of went out of control. I ended up with 22 goals, which I thought was perfect since I am turning 22 this year! Here is to a great year! Watch all of the Lord of the Rings movies (I haven't seen any of them!!) Re-Read the entire Book of Mormon Re-Read the whole Harry Potter series Give away 3 Book of Mormons Do baptisms in the temple at least once a month Visit all the temples in Utah Valley and Salt Lake Counties Re-Memorize the 12 Articles of Faith Write at least one blog post a month Save an extra $2000 to go on a big trip in 2015 Finish my last semester with all A's Attend every Tuesday Devotional during Winter semester (or watch them online during practicum) Go a whole month without eating chocolate Meet or have some contact with 100% of m...

I have never really had the opportunity to be myself. I have always felt the need to hide who I really am because of those around me. The first time I remember doing this was in third grade. My third grade teacher was strict. This is much more than just the normal "mean teacher"- she would threaten to hang us by our toenails in the corner if we did not behave. Before third grade, I was very outgoing, but I lost that because of fear. It just went deeper and deeper as the years went on. My freshman year of college, I told myself that I was going to start new. I tried to be myself, but it was really hard. Then with roommate issues, I turned back into my shell. I hid who I was. The next year, I moved in with the"friends" that I had made Freshman year. 4 girls who I thought I could trust through everything. Things happened and by the time winter semester came, my two best friends moved out to go on missions and the other two girls who I had known since Freshman year ...